I feel as if I’m obligated to document my first experience with Tim Be Told. Last night, I went to Road to Urbana and the experience was nothing I had ever imagined. Things just seemed to click in my head. The hope, faith, and heart I see in Tim made me realize how less of those I have. In my life, I feel as if God always places obstacles in my life that are unreasonable and hurtful. When Tim sang the song “Lament”, I saw all those feelings I have held up inside, from the past and present, written and sung out.
“If you’re so mighty, why do you break the weak and the weary, and steal what they make? They say you’re forgiving, that you’ll not forsake but you punched me out when I made a mistake. I tried to find beauty in the mess that you made but you just stayed angry, and never forgave…How much more will it take to undo the damage that you have done?”
These ideas just swarm around my head consistently as I ask God, “I have faith in you, but why are you crushing it? I’m tired. There’s nothing more that I can give to you.” But at the end of the day, I know God is not cruel. He is love, and because we are precious to him, he places trials in our lives so we can be stronger in faith and share our testimonies to others about his ultimate love and grace. I take it as a person’s journey is infinite and it will never end.
“But I’m getting tired of repeating this line: ‘the faithful never survive’. Yes, I know you are great, and that you’re a good God and you are love. How much more will it take, to undo the damage that I have done? Please conquer these demons and the darkness inside. Shine your light on this cold heart of mine, maybe my faith will survive.”